Revenge

they say that revenge is sweet.

you know what i think though? i think the best form of "revenge" is not something that you did directly, like putting gum inside that persons shoe or putting up their picture in one of those online dating sites and making it seem like their pathetic and desperate. though being in an online dating site is already pathetic to begin with.

but hey, thats not my point. shut up and listen.

the best thing is called karma. no matter how much you cant stand that person. no matter how much you just want to ruin that persons life, you dont do shit about it because well, maybe youre just a good person like that. even if you have so much shit that you can pull, so much things to spread, you dont do anything.

it doesnt make you a coward. it makes you a decent person because no matter how much they drive you insane, you still have your sense of principality.

so, what do you do? you just sit down, bitch to your friends, and think about the day when they will get what they deserve.

lucky for me, that day came. that day came over and over again. and it was beautiful. it was joyful. all i could do was laugh and laugh and thank the karmic retribution gods over and over again.

and the greatest part about it is?.....

i had nothing to do with it. karma just weaved its wonders around their life.

i did nothing but sit back and enjoy the show.

now thats revenge.

++++

im chatting with my cousin for the first time! ahahha. i got to post this as a reminder of our first online convo since im a cool older cousin like that:

ryx04: NAKS NAMAN SA USERPIC AMPUTCHA!!!!! (her and her boyfriend)
ryx04: woohooooo!
patricia: hahahaha!! of corz golf corz nohhhh!!!
ryx04: blech
ryx04: how cheesy are you?
ryx04: have you not been brought up right?
ryx04: joke lang!
patricia: cheddar cheesy!
patricia: hahaha
patricia: fine fine.. i'll change it nga! HMPH!
ryx04: joke alng!
ryx04: i think its cuuuuute!
ryx04: okay, now THAT pic is gross
patricia: i turned into a sunflower! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee
ryx04: and its an ugly sunflower
patricia: no its not!!!!!
patricia: whats ur picture ba?!?!??! ha?!?! ha?!?!?!
ryx04: me being a drunkard
ryx04: ahahahahhahahaha
patricia: where is it!?!?
patricia: tss... liar!
ryx04: stupid!
ryx04: its there!
ryx04: but your userpic came out late
ryx04: i guess ur lagging you twit
patricia: stupid! its not!
patricia: i guess ur lying u twit!
ryx04: too bad you cant see it
ryx04: its suking funny
ryx04: hahahaha
ryx04: too bad!
ryx04: you wont be able to see my beautiful mug
patricia: too good!
patricia: yessss! i wont see it! yahooo!!! wheee!!! wipeeeeee!
ryx04: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
ryx04: twit!

Happy Birthday

i havent been posting pictures since i thought i broke the battery of my camera but miracles of miracles, its in great shape! woohoo! *dances around the room*

so here are the pictures from carlos and my party. i didnt take these pics because i was too wasted:

my cousin, margarita. i havent seen her in ages.


pao :D


pat and cholo


mark and gretch


jal, jp, and carla


austin and cholo


i love this pic of pat. :D


austin and my cousin, martin


chem and trixie


krisna and pat


pao looking surprised and cholo looking for booze


jenna, pao, javi, and carla


anton


alex


anton with chris' hot jacket


anton and gretch


jal and my boyfriend, carlo looking..uhm..like themselves.


im guessing jal took this pic :P


hahahahaha!


chris all red ;)


chirpy and john joe


austina and javier


my cousin and her uhm..date.


me..being uhm..drunk..okay, lets move on


alex being alex :P




FA and alex


crystal looking all innocent and lovely. :D


i have pics from last night but this entry is too damn long. im posting them in my livejournal instead. either that, then im posting them tomorrow.

++++


happy 22nd birthday to my baby. :D

Making Up

the best things about making up?

the first glance.

the moment that person enters the room and you feel this glow in your heart. relief overtaking your body. looking at that persons eyes and not seeing any anger.

the first touch.

feeling that person hold you and all you can do is breathe a sigh of relief as you hold them in your arms. feeling that persons lips against yours and it feels right once again. that when you feel their arms tighten around you it signifies their unwillingness to let you go.

the first words.

hearing that person speak and not hearing hateful words. the mouth that started your tears is the only one that can make them evaporate, as if they never existed.

looking into their soul and hearing them say, gently:

"i love you."

when everything is alrigtht once again, the words "i love you" not only brings a sense of melting frustration but the reality that those 3 simple words are an indication that its all over. that the next step has just begun.

its not only about the fact that the hate, pain, and anger all went away. but its also about the feeling of your love growing stronger. that even though they hurt you, you still love them with all your heart and all that pain you felt is nothing compared to what you feel for them.

it al boils down to the fact that: it was all worth it in the end.

(happy 1 year and 5 months to us. :D)

Noone

im supposed to be working on my research/homework for wednesday but i just cant do it anymore. my head is pounding, my eyes are stinging, and i cant breathe.

i am so sick and tired of trying hard not to give a shit. i honestly am. but i cant help it because things always come up and thoughts always invade and it makes me nauseous.

noone will ever understand.
noone will ever get it.
noone will ever hear my side and go: "i know EXACTLY how you feel. i went through the same thing."

noone.

all im left with are my thoughts, my anger, my paranoia, and the hurt.

i just want someone to talk to. someone who will finally FINALLY get what im going through. and im sorry if it seems repetitive and i know i should get over it but its not easy doing this alone.

its not easy to keep thinking this way and the only person who makes you feel it isnt helping at all.

Blabber Mouth

"dude, if i were in your place, i would just break down."

thats what i told chris last night when she was telling me about whats been up with her. i admire her for still laughing and having a good time despite of it all. if i had problems like she had, i would just lock myself in my room and throw things around out of frustration. yes, my short temper gets the best of me most of the time.

yesterday my depression came back. i woke up feeling like shit and having the urge to kill someone. the thing with me is, when i get angry or frustrated, i start crying. i felt better when nighttime came though because i saw the girls and we caught up with the events thats been happening in our lives. we havent been seeing each other during the weekdays because of (surprise, surprise) school. yes, we have turned into nerds with lower tolerance for alcohol.

what i love about my friends is that even if we have problems that beat the living shit out of our emotional system, we still manage to be happy with each other. i guess were each other's happy pills. i love eet. :D

++++

in other news, i was just betrayed by someone i trusted. i made it clear not to tell anyone and that fuckeroo just went and blabbed to the worst person to blab it to. why cant people just accept that i can fucking take care of myself? that even if i seem immature and all that crappididlyo, i can handle my own shit.

YOURE MAKING IT WORSE BY BLABBING YOU MORON!

and now im in more deep shit because of blabberooney over there. i swear to god, i am never telling anyone anything anymore. at least to the people that i feel will pull the blabbing shit out their ass and start hurling it to anyone on the street.

my day sucked enough from the beginnig and just finding out about this made it worse.

thanks ever so much, you big mouthed imbecile.

"Typical Guy"

i had an aggravating conversation/argument with a "typical" guy yesterday. and since some of my old blockmates know about this journal, im not mentioning names.

but before i start pulling this shit out of my ass, i just have to add something first:

why is it that most of the time, guys ask me for my opinion if they should have crushes on girls? or if i think this certain girl is cute? or who should they crush on more? i mean, do i look like a she-male to you? seriously. and when i give my opinion, theyre either going to get all offended or defensive. dont ask for my opinion if you can handle it! simple as that. blergh.

like yesterday with the same "typical" guy:

"rica, who do you think is cuter? *points* her? or *points* her?"
"uhm. none but if i had to choose, i guess her. *points to the first girl*"
"really? why?"
"because she *points to the second one* looks like a man."
"shit man! youre so mean!"
"well, you asked!"

the worst was when a friend of mine asked me about 4 girls and all of them looked like, well, not to be mean so ill just put it in mildly, feces. (hey, its a better word than shit!)

back to the more annoying conversation:

el stupido: *shows me a piece of paper*
me: *looks at it*

(it said "i love her" then he pointed to the first chick)

me: "love? how the hell can you say that you love her?"
el stupido: "because i do!"
me: "do you know her? do you know her good traits and bad traits but you still feel the same? have you ever even spoke to her?"
el stupido: "uhm..no."
me: "then you dont really love her, do you?"
el stupido: "fine! then i like her!"
me: "well, THAT makes more sense then."

after a few more moments of silence, he started feeding me crap. i guess some men just cant lose.

"you know that quote?"
"what quote"

"this quote. its so true. it goes something like: 'if youre good looking, youre easy to love.'"

"ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SAYING THAT?"
"yeah why?"

"well, the fact that love isnt based on looks. the fact that that quote connects looks with love makes it totally untrue."

"no, but listen. guys start courting girls because of the way she looks. people fall in love with people they think are good looking."

"okay, number 1: when you just 'love' someone because of their looks, its not 'love' its 'like' or 'infatuation'. number 2: yeah, guys court girls that they think are hot but then, what if they dont really click on that level when conversation follows? shell still be hot but nothing will really happen unless the guy is a complete shallow ass, wouldnt it?"

"uh.. guess so."
"did you even understand what i just said?"
"uhmm...yeah."
"pffffft. yeah right."

and finally, the silence came and i got to concentrate on my class again.

p.s. it wasnt me who called him the "typical" guy. it was carlo. so please, no arguing with me about being sexist and shit.

21

i woke up and looked at my phone. it said: "no space for new messages". so, half asleep, i deleted my inbox. i woke up again and there were a shitload of messages. i actually freaked out because i thought something bad had happened.

they were all birthday greetings. i forgot that its my birthday today. yes, im a dork.

i cant believe im 21. ewwwwwwww.

It's Over

i think its over. i think that finally, after god knows how long, ITS OVER.

"its over."

i cant believe i would utter these words to myself. i have no anger anymore. i have no bitterness for what happened. if you ask me, i would just reply with a smile on my face,

"its about bloody time."

i think im finally over it all. im over what he did to me. im over the pain and sadness i felt when he hurt me the way he did a year ago.

i have no hate for what he did and the people he did it with. sure, i may feel the pang of pain and anger from time to time but not as extreme as it once was.

i dont know how it happened. i guess on one expected day, i finally woke up and i thought about what he did, and i didnt feel angry. i didnt feel as much hurt as i did before.

"im finally, finally over it."

does this actually mean i love him less? that the reason why i dont feel so much anger and so much pain is because i basically dont give a rat's ass about him? that all the hurt has overtaken me and made my love decrese? that not only am i over what happened but im over him as well?

no, thats not it.

i still love him as much as i did yesterday, the day before that, and the months before that. in fact, i love him more.

because i finally forgive him.
because i wont let this stinging pain take over me.
because no matter what, it has been done and no matter how much i try to erase it from my head, its not going to go away.
because the only real way to let go of it is as simple as that, let go of it.

and i have. thank god for that.

so, all thats left is for me to love him instead of adding anger into the picture.

good-bye to the anger
good-bye to the hate
good-bye to the pain

good-bye to all the negative emotions i felt before.

god, i feel free.

i hope this wont change tomorrow.

Formal and Shit

i have been experiencing too much pain lately. it has come to the point where my head and stomach hurts so much that i cant even get out of bed. im dizzy all the time and i cant stand straight without feeling woozy. i dont know where it came from or how to get rid of it. i think thats the worse part of all.

and please, dont give me the whole "maybe youre pregnant." bullshit because im not.

ajksndjshsiofnsdriheirmekrd fljdfih.

dammit, all i want to do is lie down and sleep for a loooong time.

++++

my 21st birthday is coming up. (july 12) and my mom has been insisting for me to go all formal and shit. like last night:

mother dear: "when are you free this week?"
me: "im not free at all. i dont have breaks in school. why?"
mother dear: "i was thinking of going shopping."
me: "for what?"
mother dear: "for your birthday. lets buy you a gown."
me: "WHAAAAAT? EWWWWWWWW."

mother, all you need is booze and everyone will be happy.

so, carlo and i are going to have a combined party since his 22nd birthday is on july 24 and hes going to be in hongkong on that day.

i just pray, pray, pray we wont (or more of me) get hassled.

Filipino Words = Awesome

do any of you notice how vulgar and crude filipino words are? i told this to my friends and they agree with me all the way. its not that im complaining, i think its absolutely awesome.

examples:

shit/poop/poo = tae, ebak, jebs
boobs/jugs = joga
penis/cock/dick = tite/titi, etits
nipple = utong
earwax = tutuli
booger = kulangot
ass = pwet
vagina/cunt = pekpek, keps
sex = kantutan, jugjugan
making out = hughugan (well, at least i call it that once in a awhile)
fart = utot
suck = chupa
sucking = chupain

so basically, the tagalog sentence for:

"hey, do you want to suck my penis?"

is:

"uy, gusto mong chupain ang etits ko?"

or

"hey, want to have sex?"

is:

"uy, kantutan tayo."

ahhhhhhhhh. the filipino slangs that we all know and love. makes me proud to be filipino. it really does.